(Oh Israel. An evil spirit embraces you.)
Note I only speak English. The title
Translation came from the Internet.
As for the Yiddish words? I had a
Jewish grandfather and was born in
The Bronx. So sue me if I
got it wrong.
I imagine it was a crooked mezuzah
Great grandfather Kalman clumsily nailed
Over the door of the Bronx tenement
In which he and his family lived that
Caused my grandfather to marry a shiksa.
Maybe the old Russian, who crossed the
Atlantic as a Kramer and left Ellis Island a
Cohain, used a bent nail filched from
The construction site where he worked
As a laborer.
Surely a dybbuk caused Nathan to say,
We’re in America now. Who cares
What The Torah said or that meshugana
Christian Bible with its fancy-schmancy
New Testament and that luftmensch
Yeyshu who thinks he’s better
Than everyone else.
To which Kalman replied, So what?
The Torah isn’t good enough?
Moshe Rabbenu was a real macher
He came up with the Ten Commandments,
And don’t forget that Red Sea shtick.
That clever Landsman sure fooled
Everyone. Said G*d parted the waters
–never happened. Shh. Everybody
Knows the Jews control the media, and
The banks too.
Some say Moses really waited for low tide.
Then all those Yids tip-toed across
Ankle deep water praying to Yahweh
Their corns and callouses wouldn’t
Soften and blister.
All the while the Egyptians watched
Feigning distress over losing free
Labor. Truth to tell, the Pharaoh had
Had it with Moses’ incessant kvetching,
“Let my people go.” Go? Go where?
To Israel? Knock yourself out.
G’wan Get lost.
Ramses had the last laugh. After all
Those years in slavery EquiFax
And TransUnion rated their credit
Below 300. By the time they got
To the Promised Land, the gonef
Moneychangers wouldn’t loan
Them a red shekel to buy last
Century’s chariot, never mind
A mud hut with a picket fence
And a view.
A hint of a smirk colored Ramses’
Face as the last tuchas skibbled up the
Far bank. He undertoned to a nearby
Vizier, “Did you slip The Dybbuk
into that wooden wine box like
I told you?
Not waiting for an answer, He intoned,
“Schmucks.They’re gonna wander
that desert for 40 years. When they
finally get to The Promised Land,
some schlemiel’ll open my